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I’ve been having a really hard time breathing with the cat around and decided as much as I like him, he had to go.  We searched high and low for a good home and finally Tim found one for him on a farm. 

I told Belle and she seemed to take it much better than I ever expected.  We talked about visiting Benny and she seemed fine with it, although she did state she would “really miss him.”

Today after grocery shopping, she walked in, found “her cat,” and pulled him into her lap.  As I walked from grocery bag to cupboard, putting things away, Belle looked up at me with the most serious face a three-year-old could muster and very calmly said….

“Mommy…..please don’t take him away; I love him.”

I have never heard a more touching statement out of anyone.  Ever. 

I almost started sobbing.

Hey, it’s only breathing; Kimmie said it was overrated.

Well, I must go now.  I have to make room in my bed for my nebulizer.  Did I mention he’ll be an outdoor cat?

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Green is my favorite color and it’s threatening it’s departure.  I want to yell, “Stop it!  We haven’t even been to the beach yet!”  I’m not ready for naked trees and cold winds. 

I want the summer to linger, like when I was a child.  When every night held garden picked, salted cucumbers on the front steps and forced baths to wash off the stains of fresh cut grass on my bare feet.  Fireflies illuminated glass jars and the ice cream man’s song was something to behold.  When watching out for cars rounding the corner was my only responsibility and the sound of crickets lulled my play filled body to sleep.

Just a little longer…please?  I’m not ready yet.

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I have committed to posting a picture a day, so I am posting it, but I don’t feel like it.  It doesn’t seem right to go on like nothing has just happened when Marsha & David are hurting so badly.

When my mother lay nearly dying in a hospital room after her brain surgery, the grief was so overwhelming, that I didn’t know how I would make it through one minute of my day, never mind an hour.  The world just kept on moving and I wanted it to stop.  I knew my face showed every bit of pain that I felt, yet people just passed by without a second glance, as if I didn’t exist.   As time passed on, the phone calls stopped, the prayers ceased and everyone seemed to accept the situation; everyone but me.  The pain never left, though with God’s grace it somehow it became easier to live with.  It would have been a million times worse had been my child.

So I will continue to pray, weep and praise God everyday believing that one day their joy will return.  Someday I know it will.

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Tonight there will be no picture; I don’t have it in me.  There hasn’t been much that has made sense to me today.  Every seemingly insignificant thing that topped my priority list yesterday meant nothing today, after hearing the news just after 12:00 am this morning about little Christian unexpectedly passing away. 

The moment I read the opening line of Amy’s email, I knew my eyes would next fall upon words I would not want to read.  When I then saw Marsha and David’s names, I did not want to read the next sentence and I held my breath for a brief moment.

Since then, there has been no words to describe the pain I feel in my heart for my dear friend Marsha and her family.  The tears I have shed over the last twenty-two hours cannot begin to come close to that of a parent that has lost their most precious gift in this life.   Although we can look into the faces of our own children and only imagine how we would feel, I know that we could never really know or comprehend their loss without living such a nightmare ourselves.

Even though we know that little Christian is in the loving arms of Jesus right now and is rejoicing in his heavenly home, the mama, daddy and brothers that loved him so, are living through their very darkest hours. 

Through our human eyes we can never make sense of such a tragic event, but through spiritual eyes we know that God is with us, holding us up, when we cannot stand to face such overwhelming sadness and grief.  We know that only God knows the reason and as many times as I have asked why today, I know that there will not be an answer.  I do know that in God’s sovereignty, He is just and right and good and above all, He loves us deeply and is deeply pained to see our broken hearts.  Ultimately He does that which will bring glory to Himself and only heaven will bring us the answers we so desperately seek.

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”—Isaiah 61:3

Please pray for Marsha, David and the boys. I know that our words will be insufficient at such a time as this because nothing but Jesus can heal these wounds, but yet our prayers and support will be needed from this point forward.  Until this family is reunited with their sweet “Dozer” in eternity.

The righteous man perishes, and no man takes it to heart; And devout men are taken away, while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from evil,

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Leave them alone for a minute and look what happens.  The spray dye was left over from the plays last weekend.

Fortunately it washes right out, or she might be getting beat with that corn and not hiding behind it!

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