I am so totally jealous.

A short time ago I had a fairly deep conversation with my sister-in-law and she said something that resonated with me deeply.  Although, at the time I didn’t feel it applied to me.  

A few days later I was driving and voicing my ongoing indifference over a particular issue in my life.  Even though I had been sincerely grieved over my feelings, or lack thereof, I knew I was powerless to change them without God’s help.  My insightful fifteen-year-old looked at me a repeated the words my SIL had spoken that day, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

Whoa.  Who knew she was listening.  

I always appreciate being humbled by my children. 

And then the phone rang.

A dying man called my house looking for another girl that used to work at the local hospital with the same last name.  He was calling her to say goodbye, but he found me instead.

I politely asked him his situation, which was grim.  He told me the story and I encouraged him to find his friend and not to give up looking for her.  Then I asked him if I could pray with him.  He seemed genuinely pleased and concluded that God had him dial my number for a reason.  I concluded the same thing.

I prayed and then I asked him if he knew Jesus.  He told me that long ago he was a spirit filled Christian, but he had backslidden many years ago.  I encouraged him to call again if he wanted me to pray with him, or if he just needed an ear.

In the midst of it, my heart softened and I was humbled that God would use me in the midst of the struggle with my own sin.   Sometimes it is hard to see the value God places on me, even when He and I both I know I am not pleasing Him with my actions.   I praise God for His mercy; I would’ve kicked me to the curb by now. 

Last Saturday I received a freebie, when the church that hosts my women’s Bibles study had a kidsit, held by the youth group.  Meaning…I got four hours of free time!  Whoo hoo!

Let me tell you, four hours is like blinking your eyes, but I did manage to take a ride and take some shots of the Salmon River.

I’d like to be the optimist, but somehow, I doubt they’re still leaving their declarations of affection in other spots.

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I am finally caught up with uploading my photos for the week.   I didn’t think I would ever get here, but I’m done….until tomorrow rolls around.  Only God knows what surprises it will hold.

The colors of autumn are fading fast, yet there are a few bursts of vermilion and gold left. 

This photo seems a little bit like my life;  a small bit of joy entered to break up the monotony.

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Thank you for your prayers; they meant a lot.  God brought us through this terrifying day and I’m finding that God really wants good for us and not evil.  That seems so simple; like I should have it down by now – ingrained somewhere deep within, but I don’t yet.   I am a bit cynical from living a very difficult life and seem to always be looking for the boogieman behind every corner. 

I’m sure this all sounds like mumbo jumbo right now, but when I can share more, you will understand.  For now I have peace and that is all I really ever needed.  It’s not over yet and I don’t know if it will ever be, but I have my eyes set in the right place.

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The lights on the rail road crossing sign serve as a warning to protect us when we might not be paying attention to where we are going.  To stop us from driving onto the tracks when there is an oncoming train.  Two weeks ago, I received a warning.  I didn’t see it as a warning, I just viewed it as one more tragic event in our lives.

However, God is there to watch over us and I needed a reminder that sometimes bad things happen, so He can protect us from harm.  However, it can be hard to see the end result, when the details seem so grim.  When your life is already so filled with chaos and you cannot imagine why one more thing is taking place.

I thank you all for your prayers.  We made it through today and God met me at the door and gave me grace to step through it.  Yesterday, I couldn’t eat and terror filled me.  The thought of facing today was worse than anything I could have imagined.  And then God sent someone that spoke words to me, that instantaneously calmed my fears.  He knew just what I needed and when.  I had the grace today and was not even one tiny bit nervous.  That is God’s hand for sure.

Now, in the midst of this storm, God has given me a good thing.  The timing of all these events just makes me laugh, but God has made it possible for me to go to a photography workshop at a hotel a couple of hours away for three days.  I am going away alone for the first time in my life and although it is a bit frightening, I know that this is time for me to rejuvenate and rest.  Just what I needed.  I am in awe that He gave this to me during such a time as this.  All I can think about is…big bed and room service.  

Thank you all for your prayers and support.   You are all as much my friends as anyone I know in person. 

Photo by Sarah

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